Conflict Between Friends

Hi all,

This week I had to do something really hard (again.)  I needed to confront one of my dearest friends about an issue I was having.  I could feel the anxiety building up inside of my stomach everytime I even thought about the issue.  I decided to call her husband in search of advice in how I could best approach this conversation.  After talking to him and getting some really good advice, I felt so much better, even to the point where I felt I wouldn't have to have the conversation with her anymore!  But, I knew this feeling would come back up in the future if I hadn't addressed it now.  So I put my big-girl pants on and asked her if we could talk.

Once we were on the phone, I could feel my nerves start to bubble up again.  My thoughts were turning on me, telling me that she would reject what I was saying.  To my surprise, she actually ended up putting the issue on the table!  She did the hardest part for me.  Once she shared, I was able to express how I had been feeling and that I didn't want any contention between us.  She received my feelings with love and acceptance.  She admitted her wrongs and accepted the responsibility of her actions.  Looking back, the conversation was easy, actually.  And our relationship is so much stronger now that we are both at peace.  

Have you ever had an issue with a friend, but didn't know how to bring it up? This can be a very hard thing to do, but so worth it!  When we don't share how we feel, we allow unforgiveness and bitterness to fester.  The relationship is never the same until the issue is addressed.  You owe it to yourself and to your friendship to speak your peace.

-Amanda

Mommy Issues

Hey folks,

Growing up, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom.  I was not anywhere near being an angel and I was always getting into trouble well into my late teen years.  She also had her own issues that played into the picture of our relationship.  As I'm getting older and traveling on my own healing journey, I have found forgiveness in my heart and have even asked for forgiveness for certain things.  Things are not perfect, but I am moving in the direction of restoration.

A few weekends ago, we went to a conference together.  A friend of mine was talking about how she calls her mom close to everyday, and my mom mentioned that she wished I did the same.  I contemplated what she said and I realized that she doesn't acknowledge that our relationship has never been a close one.  I took this as an opportunity to address our relationship and put things out in the open.  I lovingly wrapped my arm around her and expressed that I felt our relationship has never been great, but we are working toward restoring that now.  She made a backhanded comment about what I had said, and again, I expressed honestly how I felt.  The conversation ended abruptly because we were with other people.  Later that night, she made one simple comment, without any explanation, "I am ashamed about how I've acted." 

My brain raced with possible explanations for what that comment could have meant.  I felt I needed answers and I needed them now!  I finally came to the conclusion that even though I don't have any solidified explanation, I had freedom and peace from sharing my point of view.
It's HARD to put yourself out there when you know rejection could be right around the corner, especially if that is the response you have received so many times before.  BUT the freedom that you feel afterward is indescribable.  Yes, I needed to share how I felt in order for the relationship to find healing, but I also needed to speak up for myself.  I needed to mute the lies that were telling me that things are better when they are hidden in the dark.
Is there something that you're feeling that needs to come into the light?  You owe it to yourself to say it.  Just make sure it is spoken in love.

Amanda

Public Speaking, Anyone?

Hey all,

I'm really curious, does anyone truly like the idea of public speaking?? I think for most of us, the thought of public speaking makes our hands feel clammy and makes our heart race.  I'm sure there are some crazies out there that like the thrill, but I am currently not one of those people.  

This past Sunday as I was praying for our church service, I felt like God impressed something on my heart that would be nice to share with the church.  When I arrived at church, I had forgotten all about the thought God gave me, until I felt a slight nudge from Him to get up in front of the church to share.  Ugh!  I tried my best to ignore the nudge, because getting up in front of everyone made me feel really uncomfortable. Plus, my nice comfy chair, located in a very safe aisle seemed the perfect space for me to stay hidden. I felt my heart rate start to increase until my heart was beating so fast that I felt I could hear it in my ears.  I've experienced these moments before, of God wanting to push me outside of my comfort zone, so I was familiar with the pounding heart and the sweaty palms.  As I battled in my head what I should do, I thought about the outcomes of which decision I would make; getting up might bless someone or multiple people, staying seated might make me feel regret about not being obedient.  Before I could totally talk myself out of it, I stepped out of the aisle and went to the front.  I grabbed the mic and my shakey voice came out, sharing with the church what I felt like God wanted them to hear.  After a minute or two, I sank into a natural voice and demeanor.  When I had finished speaking I sat down and felt so relieved that I hadn't cowered underneath my fear.
After the service, I talked to a person who told me that what I had shared really impacted her and it was an answer to prayer.  Wow...what if I hadn't gotten up to share? God is God, He doesn't need me, but He did want to use me in that moment.  I felt empowered to continue to mute the lies that tell me to be quiet and to stay in my comfortable little seat.

What area of your life are you feeling muted?  What if you took that step that you are afraid of and said that thing that you were scared to say? What if lives were changed just from that one thing that you said?  What if you experienced more freedom as a result of stepping out?
Maybe we need to stop focusing our "what ifs" on the negatives and start focusing them on the positives that could happen.

Be blessed,
Amanda


A good blog source for public speaking
mannerofspeaking.org 

Putting yourself out there

Hi all,

I recently started a new book on the sexualization of young women for a class I'm taking.  This is kind of an odd topic to be reading about, because I am going to school to pursue a career as a Reading Specialist.  Nevertheless, I am grateful to have encountered this topic, because I work with young girls in multiple different capacities.  This particular book I read was very disturbing, and didn't hold anything back.  This was my first experience learning about this topic, and I will admit, I had never thought about the idea of young girls being sexualized before picking up this book.

This book not only affected me because of my work with young girls, but it also affected me on a personal level.  I felt betrayed after reading this book, because I, too, had believed the lies that are described in this book.  Lies that explain how the media tells young girls that they need to dress a certain way, look a certain way and be a certain weight in order to be liked by boys.

I needed to report to the class my reactions on the book.  I was nervous to share that I was one of the girls affected by "The Lolita Effect."  I feared that I would be the only one in the room that felt this way, even though I knew that couldn't be true.  I chose to ignore the lies my fears were telling me, and I shared openly about the betrayal I felt.  No one in the room reacted, no one nodded their head in agreement.  Oh well.

After leaving class, I reflected on the things I shared and something big stood out to me: I acted like my true self.  Regardless of how anyone thought about the things I shared, I was genuine and honest with myself and with others.  There was a sense of freedom that came from being vulnerable without letting other's thoughts hinder me.  I hope to continue in this freedom, and I hope you all walk in the same freedom.

Be blessed,
Amanda

PS- I highly recommend this book if you are a parent or work with children.  Here is a link to how you can buy it.
https://www.amazon.com/Lolita-Effect-Media-Sexualization-Young/dp/1590200632

Got Keys?

Hey all,

My husband and I recently purchased a pass that allows you to get a free donut at participating stores during the month of February.  This is very exciting for us since we were on a sugar fast during the month of January.  This past weekend, we woke up eager and early to make a trip to get some free donuts before we went to church.  

We walked out the door and my husband yelled "oh no!"  We didn't have any keys with us and our door automatically locks when you shut it.  Not only did we not have house keys, we didn't have car keys either.  We called our landlord and he couldn't come rescue us for another hour.  Morning RUINED!  My husband went around the back of the house to see if he could manage to break in. As I sat on our stairs in distress, I was overcome with anger that my plans were ruined and I had no control in changing the outcome of the situation.  I normally would have tried to ease my discomfort by distracting myself with my phone and then probably saying some not so nice things to my husband.  This time was different.  I chose to step outside of myself and realize that the only thing I controlled in this situation was my reaction.  I put my phone down, closed my eyes and tried to figure out if there was something I could learn from this situation.  

I decided I wasn't so powerless after all, and suggested to my husband that we walk down the street to grab some breakfast.  I realized that it's ok not to control every-little-thing, and to accept the freedom that comes with going with the flow.  Im so grateful I chose to be powerful in a positive way, instead of powerless in a negative way.  I hope you find a moment in your week where you choose to shift your thinking from powerless to powerful.

Until next time,

Amanda

Taking Off the Mask

Hi all,

How do you respond to the prompt of vulnerability?  Do you cringe at the mention? Does your heart start to quicken? Do your pits start to sweat?  This is what happened to me this week while I was driving to my -bold moment-.  Lately, I've being going through a weird season, where I'm struggling to stay present in all of my meaningful, day-to-day activities.  Things kind of just feel...blah.  Can you relate to this season?  Things were coming to a head on a particular day, and I knew I just wasn't doing ok.  I had spoken to my pastor that morning and knew he would be hanging out at a location where I was going to meet my husband later.  I thought it would be a wise decision to go early and talk things through with him.  

But on my drive over, I noticed I became increasingly anxious.  Was it really a good idea to spill my guts to someone? Was it going to be safe to take off my mask and show who I really was in that moment?  I knew it would be safe, but all of my fears of rejection came flooding to the forefront.  When I saw my pastor and began to share what I was feeling, he welcomed me with open arms, and even empathized with my current state of being.  We laughed and shared stories of different phases of our past life.  What a release of freedom to know that even when I'm acting like my true self I am still enjoyable to be around. 

What did I learn from this? 
1.  Fear is a liar: I wasn't driving to meet my fate of rejection.  I was met by a genuine acceptance that doesn't only desire people who are ok all of the time.  
2.  Being vulnerable is hard, but worth the battle.  It's hard be who you really are when some people aren't ready to accept who your true self is.  Find people who want to pursue authenticity. 
I challenge you to have a moment of genuine vulnerability this week, even if the person you have that moment with is yourself.

Be blessed,
Amanda



PS- looking for more blogs about vulnerablility?
Check out http://www.dawnserra.com/blog/being-vulnerable-moving-towards-fear/

What's this about?

Hi all!

This blog is meant to encourage you, stretch you and empower you to reach outside of your comfort zone.  My blog postings are going to contain moments when I was being BOLD.  Now, when you look at the name of my blog, you’ll notice that I don’t just say to be bold, but to be your own bold. 

The fears that cripple us on the day to day are very different, therefore, our moments of boldness will also look very different.  Recently, I have been reading a book on speed reading and it talks about how the process to achieving speed reading will be an uncomfortable place; the book encourages the reader to stick with it, because from that discomfort will come new growth.  I read those words and I can’t help but to apply that wisdom to my life as a whole.  In the book of James, the Bible talks about how we should consider trials as pure joy, because those trials will produce maturity, perseverance and wholeness.  Pure joy…what a concept! 

I don’t want to go through life just surviving through my trials, or wishing they weren’t there anymore.  I want to persevere through my trials with boldness.  I want to reach outside of my comfort zone to find what is really inside of me.  Today, my moment of boldness was writing this blog post.  Putting my thoughts/journey on display for all to see, while wondering what people will think or will it even encourage anyone.  I guess those fears don’t really matter, because I did it anyway.  And today I walk away with a bigger comfort zone.

-Amanda