Conflict Between Friends

Hi all,

This week I had to do something really hard (again.)  I needed to confront one of my dearest friends about an issue I was having.  I could feel the anxiety building up inside of my stomach everytime I even thought about the issue.  I decided to call her husband in search of advice in how I could best approach this conversation.  After talking to him and getting some really good advice, I felt so much better, even to the point where I felt I wouldn't have to have the conversation with her anymore!  But, I knew this feeling would come back up in the future if I hadn't addressed it now.  So I put my big-girl pants on and asked her if we could talk.

Once we were on the phone, I could feel my nerves start to bubble up again.  My thoughts were turning on me, telling me that she would reject what I was saying.  To my surprise, she actually ended up putting the issue on the table!  She did the hardest part for me.  Once she shared, I was able to express how I had been feeling and that I didn't want any contention between us.  She received my feelings with love and acceptance.  She admitted her wrongs and accepted the responsibility of her actions.  Looking back, the conversation was easy, actually.  And our relationship is so much stronger now that we are both at peace.  

Have you ever had an issue with a friend, but didn't know how to bring it up? This can be a very hard thing to do, but so worth it!  When we don't share how we feel, we allow unforgiveness and bitterness to fester.  The relationship is never the same until the issue is addressed.  You owe it to yourself and to your friendship to speak your peace.

-Amanda

Mommy Issues

Hey folks,

Growing up, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom.  I was not anywhere near being an angel and I was always getting into trouble well into my late teen years.  She also had her own issues that played into the picture of our relationship.  As I'm getting older and traveling on my own healing journey, I have found forgiveness in my heart and have even asked for forgiveness for certain things.  Things are not perfect, but I am moving in the direction of restoration.

A few weekends ago, we went to a conference together.  A friend of mine was talking about how she calls her mom close to everyday, and my mom mentioned that she wished I did the same.  I contemplated what she said and I realized that she doesn't acknowledge that our relationship has never been a close one.  I took this as an opportunity to address our relationship and put things out in the open.  I lovingly wrapped my arm around her and expressed that I felt our relationship has never been great, but we are working toward restoring that now.  She made a backhanded comment about what I had said, and again, I expressed honestly how I felt.  The conversation ended abruptly because we were with other people.  Later that night, she made one simple comment, without any explanation, "I am ashamed about how I've acted." 

My brain raced with possible explanations for what that comment could have meant.  I felt I needed answers and I needed them now!  I finally came to the conclusion that even though I don't have any solidified explanation, I had freedom and peace from sharing my point of view.
It's HARD to put yourself out there when you know rejection could be right around the corner, especially if that is the response you have received so many times before.  BUT the freedom that you feel afterward is indescribable.  Yes, I needed to share how I felt in order for the relationship to find healing, but I also needed to speak up for myself.  I needed to mute the lies that were telling me that things are better when they are hidden in the dark.
Is there something that you're feeling that needs to come into the light?  You owe it to yourself to say it.  Just make sure it is spoken in love.

Amanda