Growing up, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom. I was not anywhere near being an angel and I was always getting into trouble well into my late teen years. She also had her own issues that played into the picture of our relationship. As I'm getting older and traveling on my own healing journey, I have found forgiveness in my heart and have even asked for forgiveness for certain things. Things are not perfect, but I am moving in the direction of restoration.
A few weekends ago, we went to a conference together. A friend of mine was talking about how she calls her mom close to everyday, and my mom mentioned that she wished I did the same. I contemplated what she said and I realized that she doesn't acknowledge that our relationship has never been a close one. I took this as an opportunity to address our relationship and put things out in the open. I lovingly wrapped my arm around her and expressed that I felt our relationship has never been great, but we are working toward restoring that now. She made a backhanded comment about what I had said, and again, I expressed honestly how I felt. The conversation ended abruptly because we were with other people. Later that night, she made one simple comment, without any explanation, "I am ashamed about how I've acted."
My brain raced with possible explanations for what that comment could have meant. I felt I needed answers and I needed them now! I finally came to the conclusion that even though I don't have any solidified explanation, I had freedom and peace from sharing my point of view.
It's HARD to put yourself out there when you know rejection could be right around the corner, especially if that is the response you have received so many times before. BUT the freedom that you feel afterward is indescribable. Yes, I needed to share how I felt in order for the relationship to find healing, but I also needed to speak up for myself. I needed to mute the lies that were telling me that things are better when they are hidden in the dark.
Is there something that you're feeling that needs to come into the light? You owe it to yourself to say it. Just make sure it is spoken in love.
Amanda
I have three adult sons. What I found was hard as they grew older is that they didn't understand that I no longer viewed them as a child, but an adult. When I would say something, I had to make them realize they could take it or leave it...they controlled themselves now, I was giving advice that could or could not work in their situation, but I still had to be the mom and say it. It worked.
ReplyDelete